He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
