she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
