woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
