I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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