ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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