Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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