Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
