I heard we made out
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
