Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
