wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
