Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize