Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
