Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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