# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
