if you like me you must not know who I am
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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