if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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