I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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