what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
