Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
