Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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