i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
