You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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