I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
