my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
