how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
