Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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