dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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