just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
