i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
