i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
