I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
