if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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