Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
