I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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