i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
