real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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