Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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