You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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