Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i've created a new STD.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
