can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Congratulations! We have a period
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