let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
