So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
