Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
