Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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