Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
