i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
