I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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