I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
