i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
