He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
