we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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