I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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