i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
