if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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