how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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