I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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