Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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