Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
