that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
