I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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