im drinking this country out of the recession.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
