if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just tell him i said nine months
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What a dumb baby whore.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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